If you haven’t got there quite yet, then I am sure you have at least thought about it, or see the possibility out there on the horizon. ‘Screw it, I am sick of trying‘. On some level it feels freeing to say and feel this way I am sure, it may even be healing, maybe. Just the thought of being done with the struggle of infertility may seem euphoric. But alas, getting to this place doesn’t come so easily.
A really fantastic patient of mine came to this point recently. She used the words in the title, yup, she dropped the F-bomb. She has been doing everything she can but life just seemed to be handing her lemons that she couldn’t make lemonade out of. It was tough, very tough, but she was committed and diligent about doing everything right to optimize her chances of fertility.
All seemed to be pointing toward an end in their journey. The money well was drying up, and so was her desire to keep moving forward. Persevering was proving to be too painful, and not bearing fruit. To ensure that she drew a clear line in the sand (in the near future) to stop ‘trying’, her position at her job underwent a major change, she had gained 18 pounds in the last 8 weeks, and her last 3 cycles were more painful than they had been in decades. To top it all off, the letrozole she had taken for the last few cycles seemed to be making her ovulation less predictable and pushing it back if anything – super duper frustrating, to say the least. The only next step would be IVF, but there were just no funds for this. F-bomb.
But, the world works in mysterious ways, and this story may very well be a tribute to the power of surrendering,…I mean really surrendering, to the point of saying ‘F#%K IT’ and simply being done with it all. In my experience, this surrendering is what I work diligently to get all of my patients to move toward, because, time and time again, I see women like my patient, get to a point of being so fed up that the only thing left to do it free themselves from the tyranny in a desperate act just to make it all stop, so they can get their life back and move on. Then, as you may have guessed, it is at this very point in time, that the little spirit, destined be, chooses to grace her mother with it’s presence. Yup – pregnant.
~~O
Spence
